well it makes sense taht as the phsical body grows and cganges so must our spiritual bodies, A rite of passage from boyhood into adult hood can be almost anything if you ask me, For me it was going to a sweat with my uncle for the first time an experiencing things in our ancestral traditions, Being part Lakota gave me that chance, but I know that there are many groups out there that explore these traditions with non native people, You may want to look into that, or ask any of your pagan friends to help you find the answers, I don't know you so I can't really say what is right or wrong for you. Sounds like you have been through alot both physically and mentally, maybe now is the time in your life to move forward spiritually as well? Put the past behind you and move forward and gain a better understanding of what it is to be gay and male and pagan all at the same time, Maybe it is something you can do on your own,? Maybe go this summer on a vision or dream quest, go out into nature with nothing more than water and the basic neccisities and meditate on this, the answers will come if you ask the questions.

indeed we do not "need" to outwardly mark anything with an outward ritual but some do and sometimes its a need other times its a want. also its not always about me but what other beings/deities/energies/lands et cetera demand! ritual is more that just the obvious, we can do ritual and be recognising something unknown to us, marking or making ritual to represent some aspect of change is in itself part of the change and is far more subtle than 'we have come of age' notions.

when we have done coming of age rituals it was more about young people wanting a common shared experience and responding to their need, indeed they were the ones who came and asked us. as a growing community it is very moving to have this experience when we live in a world where concepts of coming of age, whatever we take them to mean seem to be more about proving yourself as "the man" or "the woman" rather than simply recognising that one is in a cycle/flux of change (as we usually are) it does not mean we have suddenly moved on and become adults or grown up or anything as mundane as that. its a bad use of words as it clearly implies more than it is.

the shared experience provides bonds of friendship and experience that allow for a coming together and lift-off for other questions, emotions, feelings and potentials.

i would also say that ritual takes many forms. it may not be all standing in a circle, calling directions, journeying, alter worship, burial, making a cup of tea and other such physical manifestations. we can move within ourselves/others/states and if we call it ritual or not we are often recognising (or not - subconsious at work?) someing that is touching us.

this is ego in part but it need not be. however ego is ever present [sic] and i think a mistake to reduce it to invisibility.